How to develop this poem?
It needs more sensory images, I know. But I’m not sure what would work. It feels to me like it needs something to pull it together.
Being Human
Nothing we study
comprehends us in the same way.
We may be the only beings
capable of feeling awe,
and the only creations
who forget the importance of it.
The sun continues to shine,
the birds continue to twitter,
and the river continues to run without question,
because it is its own answer.
We are the ones who want
to tie a knot in every final stitch,
to read the last page of any good book.
We are the ones who name and remember
the meaning of constellations.
first off, change the wording in line 2 ‘comprehends us in the same way’ does not work.
‘the sun continues to shine’ elaborate that a bit, how does it shine?
‘ the birds continue to twitter’ get specific, what birds and make me hear them –twitter for birds is a general term–maybe compare it to a musical instrument or something…
‘and the river continues to run without question’
how about dropping ‘and the’ and giving us some image—make a bomb explode in your head and let us see a raging river or a tranquil flow or whatever…
hope this helps get your juices flowing.
You have a nice start here!
|
|
Twitter Profits Unleashed – eBook & Videos on CD $12.99 |
|
|
Advertise your Message to 55,000+ Twitter Followers $5.00 |
|
|
10k Real Looking Twitter Followers No Password Needed $35.00 |
|
|
Twitter Advertising to 40,000+ followers TWITTER AD $0.99 |
|
|
~AT&T Apple iPhone 16GB 3G ATT~WiFi Facebook MP3 Twitter~3 G 16 g b~ BLACK! 839 $159.91 |
Tags: elementary, graphics, tools, web2.0, writing